Archive for the ‘jokes’ Category

The Amazing Scotsman

May 8, 2009

A salesman drove into a small town where a circus was in progress. A sign read: ‘Don’t Miss The Amazing Scotsman’. The salesman bought a ticket and sat down. There, on centre stage, was a table with three walnuts on it. Standing next to it was an old Scotsman. Suddenly the old man lifted his kilt, whipped out a huge hammer and smashed all three walnuts with three mighty swings! The crowd erupted in applause as the elderly Scot was carried off on the shoulders of the crowd.

Ten years later the salesman visited the same little town and saw a faded sign for the same circus and the same sign ‘Don’t Miss The Amazing Scotsman’. He couldn’t believe the old guy was still alive much less still doing his act! He bought a ticket.

Again, the centre ring was illuminated.

This time, however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the table. The Scotsman stood before them, then suddenly lifted his kilt and shattered the coconuts with three swings of his hammer. The crowd went wild!

Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a meeting with him after the show.

“You’re incredible!” he told the Scotsman. “But I have to know something. You’re older now, why switch from walnuts to coconuts”?

“Well laddie,” said the Scot, “Ma eyes arenae whit they used tae be.”

Amazing Chalk Drawing Illusions

May 8, 2009

Swine Flu: BE PREPARED !!

May 8, 2009

Swine flu

The Flasher

May 8, 2009

flasher

The Future of Nursery Rhymes

May 8, 2009
The future of nursery rhyme

It’s Raining, It’s Pouring
Oh sh!t, it’s Global Warming
.


Jack and Jill went into town
To fetch some chips and sweeties.
He can’t keep his heart rate down
And she’s got diabetes.

.
Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
Between two chunks of bread
.


Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its @rse
And turned its wool to nylon.


Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
He kissed them too cause he was gay.


Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
And grabbed her ass
Now two of his teeth are missing
.

Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it’s black and crispy
.