Gotta love those Rednecks!

Gotta love those Rednecks! REDNECK YARD SWING “““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““` Redneck Cooler ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How do you know when you’re staying in a Redneck motel? When you call the front desk and say, I gotta leak in my sink, and the clerk replies, ‘Go ahead’. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Redneck Cellar ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Redneck Garden ~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age for Rednecks to 32? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Redneck Limo ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Two reasons why it’s so hard to solve a Redneck murder: 1) The DNA is all the same 2) There are no dental records ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Redneck Mailbox ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Who invented the toothbrush ? A Redneck. (If it had been invented by anyone else, it would have been called a teethbrush.) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A State Trooper pulls over a pickup on Highway 16 and says to the driver, ‘Got any I.D. ?’. and the driver replies ‘Bout wut?’ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Redneck Time Out ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Did you hear about the $3 million Redneck Lottery ? The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Redneck Weenie Roast ~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A new Redneck law was just recently passed . When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Redneck Wheelchair ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Did you hear that the Redneck governor’s mansion burned down ? ‘Yep. Prit’near took out the whole trailer park. The library was a total loss too. Both books went poof . . . up in flames and the governor hadn’t even finished coloring one of them.’

A Case of Gonorrhea in the Convent

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, ‘I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.’
‘Thank God,’ said an elderly nun at the back, ‘I’m so tired of chardonnay.’

California License Plate

Recently, a Beverly Hills attorney submitted a request to the California Department of Motor Vehicles for a Personalized License Plate.  His request was rejected.  The reason for the objection was that the letters requested were obscene.  The attorney removed one space from the letters and resubmitted the request.  This time it was approved.  This is the approved version of the license plate.

Breaking News – Celebrity Swine Flu Fatality

Breaking News – Celebrity Swine Flu Fatality

And we all know who gave it to him…

LEROY

Leroy and L’Quiesha go to the San Leon Primitive Baptist Church revival and listen to the preacher.

After a while the preacher asks anyone with needs to be prayed over to come forward to the front at the altar.

Leroy gets in line, and when it’s his turn, the preacher asks: “Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?”

Leroy replies: “Preacher, I needs you to pray for my hearing.”

The preacher puts one finger in Leroy’s ear, and he places the other hand on top of Leroy’s head and prays and prays and prays. He prays a blue streak for Leroy. After a few minutes, the preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks, “Leroy, how is your hearing now?”

Leroy says,”I don’t know, Reverend, it ain’t till next Wednesday.”

An Important Message About Growing Old

An Important Message About Growing Old * * * Sh** Now I Forgot What I was going to tell you

Test: Which One Is The Blonde ?

Okay………here it is. A test to see if your brain is still working.

Which one do you think is the blonde?

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Amazing I did not

See it before..

The Blonde is the one

With the wrong leg up.

That’s OK, I did not

Pass the test EITHER!!!!!

Mahatma Gandhi Joke

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and, with his odd diet,
he suffered from bad breath. This made him . . .

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.
.
.
.
.
.
.
. A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

The Amazing Scotsman

A salesman drove into a small town where a circus was in progress. A sign read: ‘Don’t Miss The Amazing Scotsman’. The salesman bought a ticket and sat down. There, on centre stage, was a table with three walnuts on it. Standing next to it was an old Scotsman. Suddenly the old man lifted his kilt, whipped out a huge hammer and smashed all three walnuts with three mighty swings! The crowd erupted in applause as the elderly Scot was carried off on the shoulders of the crowd.

Ten years later the salesman visited the same little town and saw a faded sign for the same circus and the same sign ‘Don’t Miss The Amazing Scotsman’. He couldn’t believe the old guy was still alive much less still doing his act! He bought a ticket.

Again, the centre ring was illuminated.

This time, however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the table. The Scotsman stood before them, then suddenly lifted his kilt and shattered the coconuts with three swings of his hammer. The crowd went wild!

Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a meeting with him after the show.

“You’re incredible!” he told the Scotsman. “But I have to know something. You’re older now, why switch from walnuts to coconuts”?

“Well laddie,” said the Scot, “Ma eyes arenae whit they used tae be.”

Amazing Chalk Drawing Illusions