Mind Numbing Trivia

zebatron — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 02:11:04 +0000

Those artists are at it again and aren’t they brilliant?
Think they must be German!
Here are 7 pictures of European trucks whose trailers are decorated to look like the sides are missing and the products they are hauling are painted on the sides and back.

The first one is of a bottle of beer and looks so real, like it is coming out the side of the trailer.

The second is of a canvas tote bag.

The third is of Pepsi cases and they are all stacked on the ceiling, and the bottom of the trailer is empty.

The fourth is of another truck with the windshield facing the back, a driver painted in the driver’s seat looking back over his shoulder to appear like he is driving backwards. (Now this one is just plain scary, even when the German reads ‘On the wrong way?’)

The fifth one is of an aquarium with fish swimming in it.

The sixth one is of a bookshelf with books lined up in it and a post-it-note with an advertisement on it, probably for the company that sells the books.

The last one is for Pringles-Hot & Spicy. The ‘inside’ of the trailer has the appearance of having been through a fire.

Golf Balls

zebatron — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 23:06:14 +0000

Golf Balls …

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.

The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, “It’s golf balls”.

Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said.

After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked…

“Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?”

Welcome Aboard Flt 727

zebatron — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 04:26:29 +0000

The Winner at Dog Obedience School

zebatron — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 04:20:03 +0000

The Winner at Dog Obedience School

This Week’s Balcony Contest Results

zebatron — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 04:17:23 +0000

3rd.
Mary Loftus. Brighton

2nd.
Steve Borat, Madrid

1st.
Tracy & Wayne Smith, Basildon

40 Yrs Later: The 7 Children In ‘The Sound of Music’

zebatron — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 19:40:37 +0000

40 Yrs Later: The 7 Children In ‘The Sound of Music’
‘The Sound of Music’ won the Academy Award for Best Picture of 1965 and is one of the most popular musicals ever produced.

Remember the 7 children of the Trapp family?

They were having a reunion after 40 years
and all were looking healthy and amazingly well…

NOW CURRENTLY…

It wouldn’t be funny if it weren’t so true… Julie Andrews turned 69 and to commemorate her 69th birthday on October 1, actress/vocalist Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan ‘s Radio City Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP. One of the musical numbers she performed was “My Favourite Things” from the legendary movie “The Sound Of Music.”

Here are the actual lyrics she used:

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favourite things.
Cadillac’s and cataracts, and hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favourite things..
When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favourite things,
And then I don’t feel so bad.
Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favourite things.
Back pains, confused brains, and no need for sinnin’,
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin’,
And we won’t mention our short, shrunken frames,
When we remember our favourite things.
When the joints ache, When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I’ve had,
And then I don’t feel so bad.

Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd that lasted over four minutes and repeated encores. Please share Ms. Andrews‘ clever wit and humour with others who would appreciate it.

Mount Rushmore – from the Canadian Side

zebatron — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 03:55:50 +0000

20 Economic Models explained with Cows – 2009 update

zebatron — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 13:40:42 +0000

20 Economic Models explained with Cows – 2009 update

1. SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour.

2. COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk.

3. FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk.

4. BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

Senior Management instructs you to write a comprehensive policy manual about cows.

The State requires that you take millions of dollars of unwanted capital to insure against cow losses then takes both cows, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

Shortly after, the State announces a multi-billion dollar Cow Stimulus Package.

5. TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

6. SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

7. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

8. ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.

No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public then buys your bull.

9. A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

10. A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.

11. A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

12. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.

13. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

14. A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

15. A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

16. AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.

17. A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

18. AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.

You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy….

19. AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

20. A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have two cows.

The one on the left looks very attractive.

Italian Tomato Garden

zebatron — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 17:29:44 +0000

Italian Tomato Garden:

An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Pop,
Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love,
Vinnie

Brass Monkey

zebatron — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 23:11:27 +0000

CANNON BALLS!!! DID YOU KNOW THIS?

It was necessary to keep a good supply of cannon balls near the cannon on old war ships. But how to prevent them from rolling about the deck was the problem. The storage method devised was to stack them as a square based pyramid, with one ball on top, resting on four, resting on nine, which rested on sixteen.

Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem — how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding/rolling from under the others.

The solution was a metal plate with 16 round indentations, called, for reasons unknown, a Monkey. But if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make them of brass – hence,Brass Monkeys.

Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled.

Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey.

Thus, it was quite literally, cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. And all this time, folks thought that was just a vulgar expression?

You must send this fabulous bit of historical knowledge to at least a few intellectual friends.